Your melodic writing is interesting. Some comments as I have trouble making out what is going on at points -- feels pretty avant garde
Better mixing and some light use of FX at this stage of development would vastly improve your presentation. Drums should be the loudest part of your mix and be clearly audible -- and not cluttered. Kick and snare are particularly important. Hihats and cymbals should be slightly less loud because they're alone in their frequency range for the most part.
I think you have lots of cool ideas in here but would benefit from some study of song structure. I recommend Signals Music Studios on YT as a launching point.
Thanks for coming out to NGUAC!