Sounds like you could use a better mic, but the vibe is on 100
Try compressing the vocal a bit harder
If you can afford 60 USD or so, I use Howard Benson Vocals, which is an all in 1. Anything with makeup gain will help a lot though. I would also center the low frequencies of the vocal and perhaps use a delay instead of panning hard left and right
This is hilarious though. great work