Ok, taking another break from writing stories again. I wrote you guys some nice, heartfelt poems to read while I'm on hiatus, starving to death.

2023: wow i wrote a lot of unholy shit. edited to remove references to people

- - -

Tortuous Love, written for S

Oh, Love is a torturous thing

Thoughts

They fuse

You like them

But do they like you?

Beliefs to lies

Which one is right?

From your guilty pleasure

Do you delight

Should you tell them?

Could you tell them?

You want to tell them,

But you cannot

This dilemma

It leaves you distrought

Oh my dear S,

Love is a tortuous thing

Do you know?

Are you sure?

Are their thoughts of your own reflection?

Are you their object of affection?

These questions,

so troublesome

You must struggle

Until the war is won

Feed the fire

The time is nigh

The question is

Are you right?

Will your love take flight?

You want to believe

To hope that their looks really do not deceive

But you truly do not know

Until your love grows

Oh, love is a troublesome thing[/i]

Eaten Up Inside - written for my emo side

Eaten up inside

Go away

Let me die

I never got what I wanted

I never got what I needed

What's on my mind?

I cannot say

I am insane

I like this game

I'm done being there for others

They have their pain

And so do I

Don't need the love of my brother

I don't know why

Don't want to be with one another

Feeling numb

So long

Oh God

It's all I know

Now I pray for all of them to go away

Let me die

I don't need their ways

Let me die

Eaten up inside

I'll die smiling

Let me go

Let me die

Frozen here in time

What's on my mind

Who can say why

It's not invention I'm beating

I cannot stop all this bleeding

As I dream maybe I'll fly away

Eaten up inside

Let me die

I never got what I wanted

I never got what I needed

I'll die smiling

Eaten up inside

Skittles - an ode to my companion

Look around you

Your world

It turns about you

Love lost

Friendships burned

Look to the past

Truths discerned

Turn away from them

Destroy it all

Hold nothing near to you

For from you, it will be stripped

The threads of your heart

Cut into pieces

No more remorse

See the light

It plays about you

Your darkness revealed

Stay with me my child

That your darkness be concealed

Your evil hidden from the world

No love lost

No friendships burned

For in truth, you had nothing at all

Stay with me my child

That I may build you a wall

Behind which you will hide your darkness

That you may not fall

Fall into Darkness

I am not who you think I am

You do not understand my dilemmas

Honestly, I do not give a damn

Look what you have taken from us

You stole my heart

Gave it away

Trampled on my soul

Look at what you have done to me

Look at me

I am a shell of what I used to be

I have fallen into darkness

My soul black as pitch

My heart a pool of cess

You are my reason for falling into darkness

My reason to hate

My sole weakness

My love, you have stolen my consciousness

You stole my logic with a kiss

My livelihood replaced by bliss

My heart is black

Tainted from your touch

I want you back

But I hate you so much

My soul is a crumpled letter in your hands

Ready to be written again

Ink laden and dusty

I fear we shall go at it again

You

You

I like so many things about you

It seems I don't know what to do

When I'm around you

I feel like I could fly

Like a bird

High in the sky

You are my heroin

My object of desire

My love

You are everything I've known I wanted

And everything I've ever wanted to know

How can you leave me like this

How can I survive alone?

Feels like I've lost everything I've known

We push the buttons down inside

We tear our hearts out

Then we fuck

Hey

I know

Feels like I've lost everthing I've known

Every time we fight it feels so wrong

I feel so enslaved by my pride

Can we be again?

We push the buttons far inside

We tear our hearts up

Then we fuck

Hey

I know

Feels like I've lost everything I've known

How can I survive alone

Without you?

Little Dead Girls

I see them

They come to me

I feel them in my head

Their stares boring through my skin

I see them

They're all dead

Their blood spattered bodies

Their tattered skin

It comes to me

Only in dreams

I hear them

They try to scream

Mournful whimpers rustling in the wind

They meet my ears

Making me wonder what might have been

I hear them

If only they could speak

I feel them

They reach right through me

Cold caresses

Unfeeling embraces

I feel them

Only in my dreams

I smell their blood

It pools around my body

I cannot sleep tonight

My life steeped in blood shed long ago

[An Untitled Rant] - Devoted to H's ignorance of how much I loved her (at first)

Damn it!

I don't get you at all!

What is it that makes this boy so fucking great?

All he is ever going to do is get you knocked up,

Then he's going to leave you all fucked up!

Why don't you understand?

I know love is blind

But is that worth this?

Is it worth leaving your family behind?

Worth leaving the people who love you?

Worth leaving ME?

I can't believe you

You betrayed me

Now I don't know what I'm going to do

You stupid fuck!

Why can't you love me?!

I've waited for so long, just to hold you

To do anything with you,

and you don't even care

I just want to die!

Why?

Why do you hate me?

Don't leave me

I don't want to be like this

I love you,

I truly do

Why can't you just love me like I love you

Why can't we even talk to eachother

We're supposed to love one another

But all you care about is this dude

This guy who's only going to cause you trouble

This guy who I despise for being so lucky

I keep trying to tell you, he's not good for you

But you never listen

So fuck off and good-bye to both of you

Because no matter what I do

I'll always love you

And you'll never see the same way I do

I want to die

I want to die

I want to feel the life slipping out of me

I want to be a lifeless boat in a sea of my own blood

I want to go where any dead man could

I want to drown in an ocean of red

I want to see how it is on the other side

I want to die

Weirdo

I know I'm a weirdo

You don't have to say it

I've always been strange

There's no denying it

I've always been derranged

I like it when they talk about me

It tells me that they know I'm there

I like it how they always bleed

It pleases me when they're scared

I like it when they see me as an enemy

It lets me know they fear me

Because I'm always the enemy of their morality

Screaming, they dance around my head

Hoping they'll make me end up dead

Here I come again

Silence, it goes away

Patience, oh really should I stay

Feeling it go on

What should I say

Here, I fuck up again

But I always win

Here I come again

Only You

Only you can crumple me up like this

Only you can cause me to waste away

Only you can hurt me like this

Only you can crush me in this way

Only you, because you are the one I love

Only you, because you are the one I want to hold

Only you, because you are the one sent from above

Only you, because you are the one I behold

Only you are the one I idolize

Only you are the one I want to be with

Only you are the one I need to keep me alive

Only you are the one I cannot despise

Only you are with him

Only you are with that user

Only you are the girl he throws away

Only you are the girl always comes back to him

Only you are the one he impregnates and leaves unsupported

Only you are the one who cries when he desserts you

Only you are the one who never reports it

Only you are the one who supports him

Only you are the girl who is his slave

Only you are the one who is stupid and naive

Only you are the one who ignores my advice

Only you are the one who doesn't know how to stay alive

Only you

H

I'm back from my trip and I got second chair, W00T! Ruth got 6th, Inger got 8th, and Josh got 1st. I can remember what everyone else I knew that went got. Whew, I'm still exausted from all that. I think I've been sleeping in for two days. Anyway, I'll be writing the next chapter in the series very soon. I plan on showing a bit more sensitivity in my character this time around and a little bit of fluff.

Okay guys, since I'm going on a band trip tomorrow, I won't be here for about two days. I'll try to bring my laptop so I can talk to you, but I doubt I'll be able to use it wherever we're going. I think we'll be doing a concert because we have to bring our instruments. Wish me luck!

I get to go to state band clinic! W00T! I'm so happy!

Wish me luck! Also, the next chapter in the story might be delayed since Ruth and I are actually dating now. It's hard to write stuff when you have someone looking over your shoulder.

Laterz for now

Ok guys, I need a few days off. I'm beat. While you wait for my return, why not just enjoy this random poster that I scanned in

Since I'm feeling creative and I'm taking a break, I'll give you guys something to read. :)

Hazel

You came out of nowhere and took my picture,
You looked just like a girl
She was my lover
You didn't know how much I missed her

You saw my guitar and asked if I was a musician
I asked if you'd like some coffee,
You accepted my proposition

Am I asleep
It's so surreal
The way you look
It's so ideal

The way I see you smile
I makes me feel in love
The way it feels
It's so unreal

I know my heart's not right,
but I'll pretend for one more night

Having not felt this way in so much time
I think I'll make you mine

Inger

You can't spell linger without Inger
That lingering stare
The looks you give me
They make me wonder why you even care

One day you love me
The next, you'd rather shove me up a tree

You can't spell Slaughter without laughter
It's a pity you'll never remember
You can't feel my anger
But what does it matter, to you
I'm the stranger

I miss you

You make me sad
And hungry
This is very bad
And I'm lonely

Please come back
I need you
I need you to be with me
Under the stars
Beneath the clouds
Staring at the moon
Singing ridiculous tunes

I miss you
Your eyes
Your hair
Your awkward stare
Everything

I miss you. . .

EDN

Since I'm taking a break and I just found out that I am psychic (and possibly psychotic, lol) I thought I'd share this with you guys. Jill and I were playing a game since she was reading about psychic abilities and she dared me to either guess what she was thinking, or try to give her a mental message without moving or doing anything.

At first I tried to do the latter and basically thought, 'well, I'll try, but I'm telling you, this'll never work', she said, "Are you sure?" I thought she didn't even notice that I hadn't said anything because she was still reading, but then I thought, 'lucky guess. I guess the chick knows me better than I thought'

I tried again, just to make sure, then sure enough, when I had finished, she looked up and said, "You think bunnies are cute? Wow, how random and unexpected... So, what's next, you gonna read my mind or what?"

I said yes and then she started thinking, and yet again, I was suprised... and I learned that Jill loves boxers and lowcut socks... and abs... and lots of other stuff... Needless to say, when I told her EXACTLY what she was thinking, she was a bit freaked out, but not too much.

So, here I am now, telling you guys because I'm pretty sure that even if both Jill and I told anyone else, nobody'd believe us. Anywho, to see if I really was psychic, I went on IE and looked up some psychic tests, just to make sure this wasn't a fluke, partly because of the incident with the haunted house and all the crazy shit I've been seeing, and I turned up this. Check it out and post your score.

My best score: 16/16
Worst score: 13/16
Average: 14.5/16

I'm taking a little break from writing my story because well, I really need a little time away from it. For those of you whose PMs I haven't gotten to yet, I'm going to get around to them sooner or later, no worries. My life's just been busy as fuck. For now, I'm just going to chill out a little.

Later.

Just so none of you think I'm dead, I posted again. Is everyone happy now? Have I given you what you all want?

Anyways, I'm really bored now and I have nothing to do other than wait around with Erika (she's stuck staying with me until her parents can buy a new house) and her family. She and I conveniently share a room. The rest of her family is in my old room (upstairs). I live in the basement where things go bump in the night.

Also, if anyone wants, I'll start writing stories again, and I might even give you guys a few samples of the large hentai gallery I have on my laptop. How does that sound, eh? *raises eye brow*

I might be getting some of those pictures of what happened at that old house that you guys were asking for. Kacey and Haley sent me a few. I should be getting more soon. I'm not promising awesome quality or anything since most were taken on cellphones and you know how much cellphone pics can suck.

Here's what came from Kacey. She uploaded these on her pc out of her camera and sent them to me via email. I'm suprised they were still on her camera, but seeing as she left it on, I guess I shouldn't be.

Btw, the eye pic was taken with the flash on, so that's why it's got a wierd reflection thingy... It's my right eye for the record. Nice close up, don't you agree?

I'll upload more pics as soon as I can remember the html for images.

Edit: if I can't figure out how to post more than one img, I'll just post a new one every so often or link them.