Not sure how this will be taken, but I'll jump out of the gate and say it. As of three minutes ago, I am offering critique and content promotion, in that order. I will fairly and honestly review AND/OR promote literally anything and especially your music for a price that's fair to BOTH of us (including free). See bottom for details.

EDIT: I realized I made an error in my pricing. I wrote "up to" instead of "at least." That's what I get for writing at 2 AM! Also, content can be anywhere, not just Newgrounds!

Why am I doing this?

Well, the Review Request Club is effectively dead, and in the 17 years I've spent on this site, I've constantly seen non-reviews on music, games, and movies, now in declining numbers as infinite-scroll culture has hit its peak. The stream of low effort comments and alternating silence contrasts demand from content creators of all levels for actual meaningful feedback, which sucks. Everyone wants to feel their work is seen and heard, myself included.

To fight the engagement vacuum, I try to do little things, judge competitions, share user content, and occasionally offer myself up for reviews, basically to help out any way I can. Over the years I've become aware of some limitations, like buckling under the pressure of lots and lots of notifications, because I have a bad habit of over-volunteering myself for lots of things, just because. I've found that aside from all the thanks I get from the community, which make me feel good, spending days or weeks to review and post consistently is a challenge. Having little incentive to push through sucks, and so does the fact I could be working on things that might earn me money.

So, as a remedy for both of those problems, I'm offering free and paid reviews, as well as promotion upon request.

I will still of course be doing all the things I typically do on Newgrounds for free, and I will never ask for payment for services "already rendered." In fact, I won't be posting any links to payment platforms so you DON'T send me money for something I haven't yet agreed to do. Just giving you a little kick-me sign to hit the top of my to-do list whenever you want, for whatever you want.

So what is my expertise?

As I mentioned, I've lived here on Newgrounds as an aspiring music producer for many years now, judged several prestigious Audio competitions for the past decade, and have been involved in the community for quite some time as a an audio moderator and everyday user. Audio production and music composition is my primary concentration. However, I also fancy myself an occasional writer, as well as an avid consumer of virtually all forms of digital content. My favorites are first person shooters, graphic art, sci-fi fantasy books, and many, many documentaries. I am furthermore a treasure trove of useless facts, like how the Russian word for water is one letter away from vodka, and I find it difficult to hear people talking over the sound of spoons against ceramic.

Finally, I am a huge, huge nerd, and unlike people offering to give reviews for clout or commenting follow-back on your socials, I actually really like to do this stuff. I would just like to be able to do it for a living.

So, with that said,

All the power of my big-brain and carpal tunnel hands will be at your disposal for the low price of:

• FREE - 100 words or less
• $1 - at least 250 words, or content is ~7 minutes long
• $3 - at least 500 words, or content is ~10 minutes long
• $5 - at least 500 words, or content is ~15 minutes long

Special orders:

• $10 - 500+ words, up to 5 individual pieces
• $25 - an entire album with individualized track reviews, or long form content

Multiple tracks are accepted.

For promotion and publication to your liking, add $5 to listed prices.

Be advised, if I like your work, I will probably share it anyway. This is mostly for pitching your work to playlists in your genre of choice, promotion on other platforms, etc.

Payments to be accepted through Ko-fi donation, CashApp, and Venmo. Request via PM or your choice of Discord/Twitter. Payments upfront, negotiable and most importantly refundable. Honest reviews only, I will not lie for dollar signs, but I will highlight any area of your choosing as the focus for my review/promotion.

Also, I may place a limit on orders if I have a high volume to avoid burnout.

If you see someone doing a whole lot of these, or they look cookie cutter, there are lots of scams going around online with the advent of AI. You have probably unknowingly witnessed Chat GPT responses disguised as content review/promo, and that is NOT what I will be doing. Typically 10-20 reviews will take me an entire day, and this is what they will look like. (None of these are paid)

Now, contrast this with what comes out of Chat GPT when you ask it to review any song. Unless it has lyrics, GPT is shit out of luck, and it will still make complete gibberish. Reference, I asked it to review my discography and it invented albums I never made and influences that didn't exist, like what this guy is doing below.

I can see why people are using Chat GPT for this purpose. Reviews take a long time to write, and they are great for posting to your content hubs for promo/sales, your beat catalogs, your raps, animation portfolios, or whatever you feel like in the digital revolution. As long as they're not written by an AI or some idiot who isn't paying attention, they really do work.

That's what I want to offer, my experience, my time, and my whole, undivided attention. Hopefully a little added boost that just works.

Who wants the first slice?